What to do When Your Child Does Not Want to Visit the Other Parent

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Houston Divorce Lawyers – You spent a long time in mediation negotiating and getting your custody order worked out so that both you and your ex were satisfied with it.

Or maybe you fought a long custody battle that ended in a trial where the judge had to make the decision for the two of you.

In either scenario, there is often some point that a child may refuse to see the other parent.

This is often where either the parent who is not seeing the child or the parent who has the child shows up in my office to ask questions:

1. What can they do?
2. Does the child have to be forced to see the parent?
3. What are the legal options or consequences?
4. At what age can the child choose when they want to visit a parent?

In today’s blog, we will discuss these questions in greater detail and some possible solutions.

THE TEXAS FAMILY CODE

Houston Divorce Attorney – The way a Texas Family Law judge views visitation orders is that although a child may not want to visit the other parent, visitation is not optional for the child. The judge ordered the visitation and they expect their orders to be followed.

If you are the custodial parent or managing conservator, you are held responsible for complying with the visitation order. The judge is not going to let you off the hook just because your child does not want to follow the orders.

PASSIVE CONTEMPT—WHAT IF MY CHILD REFUSES TO GO?

I have previously discussed passive contempt in another blog article, but in summary, a parent will claim to have fulfilled their obligation by:

1. Having the child ready to go
2. The child walks out on the porch
3. Then the child refuses to go with the parent attempting to exercise their possession.

This situation comes up frequently and appellate courts have taken differing views as to whether the parent with primary possession can be held in contempt when the child refuses to go.

Ex Parte Morgan, 886 S.W.2d 829 (Tex.App.-Amarillo 1994, orig. proceeding)

The Amarillo court indicates that there is no such thing as passive contempt. If a parent has the children ready to go and they refuse to go, the custodial parent could not be held in contempt.

Ex Parte Rosser, 899 S.W.2d 382 (Tex.App.-Houston [14th Dist.] 1995, orig. proceeding)

However, the Houston court of appeals came down on the issue differently. In “Ex Parte Rosser,” the custodial parent had the obligation to:

1. Effectively drag the kid to the visiting parent’s car, kicking and screaming, or
2. Go directly to jail, unless that parent can affirmatively show “an involuntary ability to compel the visitation.”

WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD WILL NOT VISIT THE OTHER PARENT?

Houston Family Lawyer – If a child refuses to visit the other parent, this can be problematic for both parents. This refusal disrupts the visitation order that both parents have adjusted and worked their lives around.

Possessory Conservator’s Point of View

Understandably, the noncustodial parent or possessory conservator may be hurt or upset. They may suspect that the other parent of manipulating their child or purposely causing parental alienation.

Managing Conservator’s Point of View

The managing conservator may also have their own suspicions of what is going on in the other house that is causing their child distress so that they do not want to see their other parent?

Remember That You’re the Adult

Do you let your child skip school whenever they want? Are they allowed to stay up all night playing games on their phone? Can they eat junk food and drink soda whenever they like? Does your child only do their homework when they want to?

Of course not, because as a parent, you sometimes have to make your children do things that they don’t necessarily want to do. This is how children learn responsibility and that what they want can’t always come first.

Divorced parents often feel guilty, which can make them fall into the trap of giving in too easily to their children. While it’s important to listen to children and their opinions, you need to remember your child is not in charge. You are. Your child needs to know that both parents are an important part of his or her life. They don’t get to choose when and if visitation happens.

Tell your child that part of having divorced parents is spending time with each one of them. This means that it’s not fair to your ex or your child—although they may not see it that way—if you don’t make him or her go along with the visitation order.

THE BUCK STOPS HERE—YOUR BEHAVIOR

Divorce Lawyer Houston – Is your behavior making your child feel like they have to choose sides? If your child is refusing to go to the other parent, this may be a sign that child is reacting to something you are doing.

They may be trying to avoid upsetting you or being made to feel guilty for spending time with their other parent.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Some questions you need to ask yourself include:

1. Are you bad-mouthing the other parent or allowing other people to do so in front of your children or where they can hear you?
2. Do you get upset or agitated when your children get ready to go for their visitation?
3. Do you interrogate your children about your ex after they get home from their visitation?
4. Do you do things to make them feel guilty for seeing the other parent?
5. Do you badmouth your child’s step-siblings or step-parent?

These types of behaviors can place your child in an incredibly awkward position, and it is wrong for you to put them there… Continue Reading