The benefits of not immediately introducing your children to your new love interest after divorce

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Houston Family Law Lawyers – Sometimes in life what we think we want isn’t always what is best for us. If you were a person stuck in a marriage that was not healthy then you are probably excited beyond belief to be divorced.

That relationship was not productive for you on an emotional level and could have done long term harm to you and your children. For whatever reason your spouse and you had grown apart and as the distance grew you may have had the opportunity to think about what you would look for in a future partner.

DATING AFTER DIVORCE: HOW TO BALANCE YOUR NEEDS VS. THE NEEDS OF YOUR CHILD

Once you are divorced from your spouse there is nothing stopping you from dating. It could be that you haven’t been on a simple date in a long while and you are eager to put your prior relationship behind you and move on to something that will hopefully be longer lasting and more fulfilling.

However, if you have children then you should consider that the clean and easy transition from married person to single person will typically not allow for as smooth a landing from one to the other than you may like. Family Law Lawyer Houston – Suppose that you quickly meet another person after your divorce has been finalized and have come to realize that you have romantic feelings for him or her.

While on the inside you may be doing backflips with excitement at this opportunity for building a new relationship it will not be simple to introduce him or her to your children. Being deliberate in your actions at this stage in your relationship will likely prove to benefit your children as well as your fledgling relationship.

EVALUATE THE PERSON IN TERMS OF YOUR FAMILY AND THEIR NEEDS

It is not enough to have met a good person to whom you are physically attracted in order to enter into a relationship. Let me rephrase that- it certainly is possible to enter into a relationship with a person who meets these characteristics, but it’s possible that the relationship will not be fulfilling or long lasting. How he or she fits into your family structure, whatever that may be, is a huge consideration that you need to make very early in the relationship.

Family Lawyers in Houston – Well, since I just made the point that “fit” with your family is important and making a determination about fit is best done early in the relationship, that must mean that I’m going to tell you to immediately introduce this person to your children, right? Wrong. Your instincts about the relationship may be affected by any residual hurt or loss as a result of your divorce and may not be as trustworthy as they normally would be.

Even if you believe that this relationship is one that could go the distance it is not uncommon to see post divorce couples break up unexpectedly once feelings associated with the divorce dissipate and your “normal” perspective returns to you in full.

I was recently having a conversation with a prior client of the Law Office of Bryan Fagan who confided to me that she was very excited about a new relationship that she had gotten into after her divorce. The new person in her life was just what she needed in the aftermath of her divorce, or so she thought.

So confident was our prior client in the strength of her new relationship that she almost immediately introduced her twelve year old daughter to this gentleman. She told me that she had no doubts that her new boyfriend and daughter would hit it off and like each other from the start.

Unfortunately that was not the case. Our former client didn’t realize that her daughter was not yet in a place where she could emotionally handle the new person in her mom’s life. The experience of meeting her daughter also soured her boyfriend on the relationship.

Apparently he felt like the meeting had been set up prematurely and he felt the tension immediately upon meeting the middle school aged child. The relationship was never the same after this meeting and the couple eventually broke up.

Houston Family Law Lawyer – The point I intended to illustrate here is that relationships and families come in all shapes and sizes. What may be an appropriate time to introduce your child to a new romantic partner may not work well for another family, and vice versa. It is critical to be attuned to the feelings of your child and to anticipate as best as possible his or her readiness to have this sort of interaction. When it doubt, it is my opinion that it is best to wait to do so … Continue Reading